pretty sad.

i think im finally ready to talk about this.

on june 6th 2009 was the last time i saw my dad. my parents had been having alot of arguments and due to my dad being an alcoholic he didnt really see the emotional scarring he was doing to his own family.

for a while before that day he had been working and working hard and we would only see him at night when he came to sleep. that friday night he was relaxing on the couch with not a word to say. he just watched tv all night long. i left to work at disney because i had a late night shift. i came home the following morning at about 3am.

the arguments had gotten so bad that my dad would no longer sleep in bed with my mom. so i would see him in the living room when i would get home. so that morning i saw him sleeping. the morning of saturday june 7th i slept in till about 1p.m due to my late night shift. when i woke up my dad was gone. it didnt seem strange because he would do that all the time. that night he didnt come home to sleep. he did the same thing sunday night.

i got home sunday around 3am again and started to worry. his car was outside but he was not in the house. i got very worried and thought the worst. "what if he is in his car passed out" the worst thoughts started coming to my head. i was too afraid to go check his car. so i finally checked the following morning. monday june 8th. i went to work and still had the worry in my mind.

we started to think he could have been in the hospital, but he would have called us. or someone from the hospital would have contacted his family. another thought. "jail?" i called the MPK police station and checked if they had anyone in custody. (the only reason i checked was because he had been previously arrested and taken into MPK police custody). they said no one by that name is here. well that was a relief. i told the officer "my dad is missing for two days already what do i do." he told me to put out a missing person report. i let my mom know and she said "lets go and check the bus station, to see if he had purchased a ticket to mexico." i said ok ill go right after work.

at about 1:30pm. my mom called me at work and said "dont go check anywhere i know where he's at". my father had booked it to his hometown in mexico. i was so upset, i could not stop crying. i called my "sister" xenia to let her family know because i didnt want them to worry anymore. and as soon as she answered the phone i broke down. i couldnt understand the fact that he had left us.. knowing that he would never be able to come back to us..

my heart was shattered. i spoke to my dad that same day i just wanted to hear his voice, and all i could say was "why did you leave us like that, without even saying goodbye." i know my dad had so much pressure here with bills he had to pay and rent and everything he got himself into, but its nothing we couldnt solve as a family if he wanted to. if only he would have gotten the help he needed for his sickness, this family would not have been torn apart.

i miss my dad so much everyday and i know that my younger brothers miss him even more. i just wish i could have said goodbye.

i think to myself, what would have been harder to accept. him saying goodbye or just finding out he was gone.

this was just a little true story i thought i would share with you guys.