pretty sad.

i think im finally ready to talk about this.

on june 6th 2009 was the last time i saw my dad. my parents had been having alot of arguments and due to my dad being an alcoholic he didnt really see the emotional scarring he was doing to his own family.

for a while before that day he had been working and working hard and we would only see him at night when he came to sleep. that friday night he was relaxing on the couch with not a word to say. he just watched tv all night long. i left to work at disney because i had a late night shift. i came home the following morning at about 3am.

the arguments had gotten so bad that my dad would no longer sleep in bed with my mom. so i would see him in the living room when i would get home. so that morning i saw him sleeping. the morning of saturday june 7th i slept in till about 1p.m due to my late night shift. when i woke up my dad was gone. it didnt seem strange because he would do that all the time. that night he didnt come home to sleep. he did the same thing sunday night.

i got home sunday around 3am again and started to worry. his car was outside but he was not in the house. i got very worried and thought the worst. "what if he is in his car passed out" the worst thoughts started coming to my head. i was too afraid to go check his car. so i finally checked the following morning. monday june 8th. i went to work and still had the worry in my mind.

we started to think he could have been in the hospital, but he would have called us. or someone from the hospital would have contacted his family. another thought. "jail?" i called the MPK police station and checked if they had anyone in custody. (the only reason i checked was because he had been previously arrested and taken into MPK police custody). they said no one by that name is here. well that was a relief. i told the officer "my dad is missing for two days already what do i do." he told me to put out a missing person report. i let my mom know and she said "lets go and check the bus station, to see if he had purchased a ticket to mexico." i said ok ill go right after work.

at about 1:30pm. my mom called me at work and said "dont go check anywhere i know where he's at". my father had booked it to his hometown in mexico. i was so upset, i could not stop crying. i called my "sister" xenia to let her family know because i didnt want them to worry anymore. and as soon as she answered the phone i broke down. i couldnt understand the fact that he had left us.. knowing that he would never be able to come back to us..

my heart was shattered. i spoke to my dad that same day i just wanted to hear his voice, and all i could say was "why did you leave us like that, without even saying goodbye." i know my dad had so much pressure here with bills he had to pay and rent and everything he got himself into, but its nothing we couldnt solve as a family if he wanted to. if only he would have gotten the help he needed for his sickness, this family would not have been torn apart.

i miss my dad so much everyday and i know that my younger brothers miss him even more. i just wish i could have said goodbye.

i think to myself, what would have been harder to accept. him saying goodbye or just finding out he was gone.

this was just a little true story i thought i would share with you guys.

random.

On thursday 7/16/09 we went to my moms Aunties funeral, had a sad day all day. decided to have a little bit of fun and went to hang out at my work at downtown disney. we put on silly hats and took a silly picture. i miss my sister.

the setting sun upon the hill. in santa monica. BEAUTIFUL

thats a mickey mouse shaped firework display pretty awesome.

took my "sister" to disneyland. and california adventure. had fun half the day there.,we went on a bunch of rides and saw the fireworks. thats us waiting in line for the 3D toystory ride.

that abel. the last time we went to the beach, he doesnt really like going into the water. so he just plays with the sand. the whole time.

i saw a dolphin.

well today is monday july 20th. today was sort of hot and we were all home so we decided to go to the beach and just relax in the hot sun. we left around noon and got there shortly after. we sat down and relaxed for a while and then ran into the water. the waves were really rough so i wanted to go check out the other side of the rocks and so i was walking on the sand bare feet. and suddenly my toes were burning i felt like i was walking on a hot griddle. i felt like michael scott on that episode of the office where he burns his toes on the George Foreman grill. (hahaha) anyway. oh dur. or like "the job" episode of the office where Dwight walks on the fire for the job. (hahahaha) oh fun times. so then i ran back to the original spot where we were. and soaked my toes in the water. we were at the beach for about 7hours. wow. i know. but yea. i have gone to the beach three times this summer. and well im going to keep going because im falling in love with the ocean. haha. i told my mom "we're going again thursday" and she said. "no" and so i said" why not we live in california we have the coast close to us, why not make the most of what we have close to us." and she said "you're right, but i wont go". haha. so i guess ill go alone with my little brother. So last friday 7/17/09 i drove down to TJ to drop off my godmother, i decided that i would make the most out of the trip and swing by the San Diego temple. so i did. i stopped by and take pictures. my breath was taken away when i got so close. oh my gosh. was a great building.!! check out the pictures. i guess the pictures will be at the top of the blog. haha.

**no pictures from the beach forgot my camera.**

(these pictures are supposed to be from bottom to top.)


May 9th. 2009

So on this day my friends came down from Central California and we decided to celebrate my birthday at the Dodgers vs. Giants game. It was an afternoon game which sucked because of the heat. But was fun because the Dodgers won the game. I had a great time with my friends, i bought a baseball shaped pen, and a foam finger. My friend Xenia was so sneeky. She snuck away to talk to some Dodger employees and asked what they can surprise me with since it was my birthday. She wanted them to put my name up on the screen, but for that you need to call in advance. So they decided they would drop off a present sometime during the game. So we're watching the game and its about the 3ed inning and all of a sudden i hear from behind me "jessica".. and i dont turn around. and once again i hear "jessica" so im like hmm maybe ill turn around. and the dude (a dodgers stadium ambassador) standing there says to me "happy birthday" as he hands me a bag with some stuff in there. i was so shocked. i looked in the bag and found a bobble head some magazine and little picture cards and a temporary tattoo!! i was like "wow" my friends really surprised me. im so cheesy i cried no one had ever surprised me like that. i felt so loved. haha. we ate nachos ice cream and soda. it was a horrible day for my healthy eating choices but i had so much fun.

After the game we headed back home, we were a little bored and my friends were gonna leave the same night. So we decided that we'd go to Santa Monica beach and hangout for some time. So we made our way onto the 10 freeway west. we got to the beach eventually and walked the Pier. we were in our Dodger gear so ppl started asking about the game. haha. we were hungry so we decided to get some lunch/ dinner. i ordered teriyaki chicken. (bad!!!) it was the worst meal of my life so far!! haha my friend ordered some crab and that was so tasty. anyways so after our dinner we went for a walk and took a few pictures at the end of the pier. we made our way back to our car and headed home.

i had a great day and enjoyed all the activities with my friend.

ok im sleepy i just got back from disneyland. time to sleep. more update later. adios!!

this is not the title!!

It seems like an eterity since i last signed on here and updated. Where do i start. Well i started working for LACOE at my old high school in September'08 and also at Disneyland since October '08. having two jobs can be pretty tough on you, but im making it work. the school job is a 7:30-3:00 job. and disneyland is mostly weekends (since im technically a SEASONAL CASTMEMBER).

I love both of my jobs. I am very thankful. I can only thank one person and its got to be be God. He taught me a lesson. I was working at an insurance office for a while, and well i let that job go. I was unemployed for a very long time. I prayed and asked for his help, thankfully he answered my prayer by not only sending me one job, he sent me two jobs. Im very thankful. So yeah thats whats up with me and my JOBS.

Summer break is coming. im not sure if ill be working Summer School, but ill still have the job at Disneyland. Ill be traveling to Colorado (1st time) for a wedding of a friend who is like family. My whole family was supposed to go, but with the rough economy im the only one going. It sucks but i talked to the bride and shes excited either way. Ill be booking my one way ticket to colorado, and ill probably drive back to Cali with my friends. Im so excited.

I cant believe we're already in May. The year has gone by so fast. My birthday is coming. My friends will be coming down from Central California, and we'll be attending a Magical Dodgers game. Im so EXCITED i purchased a Dodgers Tshirt. My favorite Dodger player #55 Russell Martin. YAY. He's so cute. I cant wait to see him catch. (He is the catcher) haha. Well i cant really think of anything else to write here. So it end here. After my birthday ill update with some pictures from the game. YAY. take care.

P.S. Im not conceited. Just wanted you to see me in one of my Disneyland Uniforms.